Marriage...
This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately (before my mom starts getting all excited, it's not about me). Why is it that marriage changes people so much? Is it that their priorities suddenly take a 90 degree turn? I mean, chances are they've been dating that person for a while so why would priorities/time spent/love change so much? Or is it that I change because my friend(s) is married now? Do I hold back from hanging out w/them as much 'cuz I don't want to "bother" them? Do I not wanna interfere w/their nirvana of love? All perplexing questions but I think the truth lies somewhere as a combination of all of those (for me). I mean, once you're married, it's not just about you any more. While it's obvious things change (you can't do the same things w/your married friends as when you were all single), you're still friends at the core.
One thing I will never understand is why all the wives are against their husbands going out w/me (or other friends who are single). Their answer is simple (I've heard the same thing from like 4 wives): "when married guys hang out w/single guys, they adopt the single guy mentality." I call bullshit on that one! What's a "single guy's mentality?" It's not like marriage puts up a magical barrier against that & from looking at the ever-increasing divorce rate, I'd say that happens just as much while married (both men & women do that). In my opinion, there's a couple reasons for this: (a) the lack of trust (or lack of self-confidence in one of the partners) & (b) not keeping the relationship fresh. I've been in a relationship where the girl was always trying to keep me in check & it was all due to lack of self-confidence. That was the most annoying relationship to be in, nothing like getting questioned for every little thing when you KNOW you'd done nothing wrong (since when is it a crime to have a brief conversation w/the lady @ the checkout stand at the market, i mean, come on!!). I guess keeping the relationship fresh is the trickiest thing to do. After a while, you know everything about the person (so that whole initial high of getting to know the person, staying up 'til 2am on the phone, etc. isn't necessary anymore) & all you seem to talk about is "how was your day." Add to that a few kids, money problems or hardships @ work & you've got a recipe for disaster (or at the very least, a whole lot of arguments & snapping going on). I honestly don't know how married couples get over that hurdle (maybe having kids keeps their focus on something else) but I've got an idea:
Dr. Miguelito suggests having a "date night" once a week. No kids, no family, no drama, just the couple. Go out on a date (like it used to be when you were courting each other)- movie, dinner, dancing, concert, poetry reading or just going for a drive up PCH around 10pm, windows rolled down, music 'bumpin....whatever tickles the couple's fancy.
Easy for me to say, I'm not married... =P
One thing I will never understand is why all the wives are against their husbands going out w/me (or other friends who are single). Their answer is simple (I've heard the same thing from like 4 wives): "when married guys hang out w/single guys, they adopt the single guy mentality." I call bullshit on that one! What's a "single guy's mentality?" It's not like marriage puts up a magical barrier against that & from looking at the ever-increasing divorce rate, I'd say that happens just as much while married (both men & women do that). In my opinion, there's a couple reasons for this: (a) the lack of trust (or lack of self-confidence in one of the partners) & (b) not keeping the relationship fresh. I've been in a relationship where the girl was always trying to keep me in check & it was all due to lack of self-confidence. That was the most annoying relationship to be in, nothing like getting questioned for every little thing when you KNOW you'd done nothing wrong (since when is it a crime to have a brief conversation w/the lady @ the checkout stand at the market, i mean, come on!!). I guess keeping the relationship fresh is the trickiest thing to do. After a while, you know everything about the person (so that whole initial high of getting to know the person, staying up 'til 2am on the phone, etc. isn't necessary anymore) & all you seem to talk about is "how was your day." Add to that a few kids, money problems or hardships @ work & you've got a recipe for disaster (or at the very least, a whole lot of arguments & snapping going on). I honestly don't know how married couples get over that hurdle (maybe having kids keeps their focus on something else) but I've got an idea:
Dr. Miguelito suggests having a "date night" once a week. No kids, no family, no drama, just the couple. Go out on a date (like it used to be when you were courting each other)- movie, dinner, dancing, concert, poetry reading or just going for a drive up PCH around 10pm, windows rolled down, music 'bumpin....whatever tickles the couple's fancy.
Easy for me to say, I'm not married... =P
Labels: commentary, friends, relationships
posted by Miguel at 8:48 AM
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